Don’t believe the hype no marriage is perfect – but that’s what makes it beautiful
Chris and I on our 3rd wedding anniversary
The 3rd August, 2016 marked my 3rd wedding anniversary to my King. Maybe you saw the number 3 and thought ‘No big deal, it’s only 3 years’, but I feel quite differently about this achievement. The recent statistics on marriage in the UK carried out by the DailyMail, stated that the UK had the highest divorce rate in Europe in 2012. From 2012-2016 that rate has dropped considerably along with the number of marriages, as many choose to live together rather than marry. The Guardian have carried out their own research, and found that divorce rates for those married and in their early 30’s is at an all time high. The fact that I turned 31 last week and that we have made it to three years is a blessing and something to celebrate.
If you’ve spent time on social media, you would have seen the popular hashtag, ‘#goals’. It’s very commonly placed in the comments section underneath pictures of couples and celebrities whose relationships are the envy of those who desire to find something as special as what is seemingly displayed on their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram feed – the perfect house, children and life. I’m sure these couples are happy and genuinely sharing a special moment. But there are many who see marriage as a fairytale (and indeed in some ways it can feel that way which I’ll explain later) with no thought for the personal, emotional and spiritual development that takes place when you choose to allow someone into your personal space and give them access to all the details of your life. Well I’m here to tell you: don’t believe the hype, no marriage is perfect – but that’s the beauty of it.
I don’t think there is anyone who can frustrate or push my husband’s buttons more than me and the reverse can also be said of him. But I’ll also say that there is no one who makes me feel as beautiful, fearless and powerful as he does, or any-one who can encourage me at the exact time it’s most needed like he can. That kind of intimacy comes through really knowing someone, and that beauty of knowing comes from being with someone day in and day out throughout everything. Marriage is about two (sometimes very different people), choosing to come together to journey through life with different opinions, outlooks and communications skills. The tension that comes from that kind of dynamic is what makes the journey so beautiful. It takes selflessness, sacrifice and consistency, and when all those components are mixed together, those same two people who in one moment were frustrated, angry and fed up, can deal with the problem and walk in the sweetness of unity after the conflict has taken place. Marriage is something you have to be 100% committed to, there is no half in and half out. I touched on this subject in my previous posts (5 Tips To Consider before You Say I Do) where I stated that: ‘…..sometimes the beauty of marriage is found in the conflict, precious diamonds are formed under the greatest pressure and heat. Beauty, wisdom and growth can come through difficult circumstances. Sometimes the beauty of marriage is found in the conflict’. I still believe this to be true.
I have found in marriage that things can work in cycles. There was a time when my husband and I really seemed to struggle to communicate, and in fact it has been one of our biggest challenges to date. My voice would be raised, his voice would be raised, and at that point no-one could be selfless and listen. All I wanted was to be understood and so would he, but neither would be willing to take the time to hear what the other was saying. When we decide to both listen first and then speak, unity and harmony returns. Sometimes, this process has taken a few days at times, but after I have felt the strength and foundation of our bond expanding.
It’s not my desire to paint a picture of marriage that acts as a repellent, or for you to see marriage as hard and tiring – that’s not my intention at all. However, I do feel that it’s something that needs to be spoken about. I have personally also contributed to this online love fest, as I have posted many photos revealing some of the greatest moments of joy with my love. Still, I don’t very often share or talk as openly about these moments that have become the backbone to my marriage, and which are the reason why I am more excited and happy to be with him now than when the relationship started. Such moments, not displayed on social media, represent the journey and the challenges we have faced thus far. These are the things which have built a strong foundation for our relationship and connection. All of this is an important part of marriage and it’s not a bad thing because it’s made me a better person and better wife.
For those who are not married yet and want to be, you have a lot to look forward to. I love being married and there are moments when I feel like I am living a dream because of how happy my husband makes me. But I want your eyes to be open to the reality that comes from being married and the self-development and growth that comes along with it. Something my sister, Natalie Powell (Moiso) said has stuck with me and I’ll share it with you now: ‘Marriage is a fairytale if you are willing to put in the work’. It’s not just about having someone you can call ‘Bae’, but being willing to do what it takes and make sacrifices when challenges may arise, because it’s worth it.
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